Personal post alert: My partner and I will be celebrating five years together on NYE in Paris. If you would have asked me where we would be 12 months ago when he was down on one knee asking me to be his wife, I didn’t think it would be here. Somehow loving him more than I thought I ever could before. Being there for each other even when we are on different continents and making the taboo ‘Long Distance Relationship’ work. Having the most challenging year our relationship has faced thus far has been transformative for us as individuals and as partners. So how do we do it? Here are five things we decided on before we had 4,000 miles between us. 1. Remembering How Far We Both Had Come I was surprised when the first thing people asked once I said I was going on a semester abroad was, “is your fiance going with you?” - uh, no. Which was then usually followed up with, “I hope that works out for you” - I know they were so nice. I realized fast even though we had been together for four years, this would be uncharted waters for both of us. For the past few years I had been attending university two and half hours from home, I thought we were in such a #LDR situation. When we missed each other too much (after two weeks or so) one of us would take the not-as-long-as-you-think drive to see the other. Unfortunately, making it across the Atlantic Ocean isn’t as easy. When I’m having one of those ‘really bad days’ I just remember how far we have come from our first date and remind myself that this is just one more chapter in our story that we will get through hand in hand. So when the distance seems like it’s been to much rely on the memories of those great moments you have shared with your partner to get through. 2. FaceTime, Our Most Used Application One thing I can count on almost everyday is a auto or visual call from my partner. Making time for your other half is imperative in a long distance relationship. Communication isn’t easy when you can’t look the person in the eyes and tell them how you feel or be able to just sit in the living room on the couch sharing a bowl of stovetop popcorn together watching something on HGTV. Making that daily connection for us was a way to be there for each other. I know what you are thinking - how do you come up with that much to talk about EVERYDAY?? Well, sometimes it’s a conversation about the weather, politics, our future, or a random topic from a list we found on Pinterest. Some days it’s not much more than a quick “I love you more, good night love” chat. We make it a priority to let the other one know how we feel and to have the not-so-fun talks when needed. Overall, being open and honest makes for a significant decrease of ridiculous and time-consuming drama. 3. Being independent Being oceans apart means we live separate lives, at least for awhile. My partner and I have tried to remember this won’t be how it is forever, but just for now. He does his thing and I do mine. Out of respect we will chat about the other’s opinion on a situation or something we might want to do for the first time. Things we DO NOT do include obsessing over what the other is doing, checking in constantly, or trying to control the other. The key to this independent lifestyle is trust. Trust in ourselves and in each other. With classes, extracurriculars, plans for jobs and internships we don’t have time to doubt each other or start to question the integrity of our partner. 4. The Little Things Mean the World In the words of Piglet, “Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in our hearts.” I couldn’t agree more. I have always been a person who falls in love with the little details. A good-morning-text, a phone call just to say I love you, or even receiving a box filled with fake flowers (that won’t wilt), a handwritten letter, and a bottle of ranch that exploded all over everything on its way over - it’s the thought that counts, right? It was difficult to miss my fiance’s birthday, not being there for him when a family member passed away, and for Thanksgiving. I took the time to send handwritten postcards, ‘open-when’ letters, and a few cards his way. It wasn’t much, I couldn’t afford anything really but it was something I could do to show I was thinking of him. I would suggest thinking over what your partner would like or something to make them smile because that’s what they’re missing is the way you make them laugh or just smile when you’re together. 5. Expectations are Reality I’ve saved the most important information for the end, the real cute caboose. We have been working on this for the entirety of our relationship, our expectations. Now, this isn’t the run on of dreams that are unobtainable, but real conversations about what is happening now and where we see our relationship going in the future. How can anyone be happy with their partner when they don’t take the time to understand the other person’s wants and needs moreover personal and professional goals. In the words of my partner’s idol, Ben Shapiro, “The fiery need you have for your spouse at the beginning isn’t the same burning need you have for your spouse throughout your life.” This fiery passion will decline over time, but if kindled correctly with mutual trust and support it can grow into an ever ‘burning’ flame of love that will last throughout the years. I’ll leave you with this - relationships aren’t easy. There are times I’ve missed my partner with my entire being (never thought I knew what that really meant until this experience). The ‘things’ we do to survive our #LDR work for us because we’ve talked about them. Communication is the key to a good relationship. Take the time to understand your other half, make them a priority in your life, and show them that you care. Here’s to a year of engagement that has been one crazy rollercoaster of emotion, couldn’t have asked for a better man at my side through anxious climbs and heart dropping falls. 103 days down, 14 to go.
Until next time, Katie Marie
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Katie MariePublic Relations | Passionate | Adventure Taker Listings
December 2017
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